Things you should never say to an overdue pregnant woman

Everyone knows you should pick your words to a pregnant woman wisely, all those hormones flowing through the body combined with physical exhaustion can afterall lead to an emotional breakdown at the drop of a hat. Despite my raging hormones while pregnant I've always been pretty good at taking people's well intentioned {however misguided} advice and comments on board without reducing to a blubbering mess or raging psycho. However, I've realised this past week that all of that goes out the window once you're overdue. Being overdue is a whole new ballgame. 

I had planned on quietly announcing the birth so it'd be a surprise for everyone, hoping to avoid all the last minute messages asking if the baby was here. Of course that was when I thought she'd arrive early and long before I went overdue. It's become apparently inherent that every single person in my life now knows I'm ridiculously overdue and no matter how many times I acknowledge that I too am fully aware of this fact, they like to remind me every few minutes of every day. People are helpful like that.

Here's the thing though, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm overdue. I'm well aware that I haven't had the baby yet and that she's taking forever to arrive. The thing with fertility treatment is that I know the exact date she was conceived, which means I have no doubt when she was due {which is actually 2 days before my due date according to the hospital so I'm even more overdue than they think}. I don't need reminding from everyone else, I'm already reminding myself 4066 times a day that my baby should've been here by now. But that doesn't stop everyone else from letting me know too. In fact the messages from people go to a whole new level once you're past due. 

At the risk of alienating everyone I know I thought I'd record my favourite messages. I know my friends and family {strangers I meet at the shops etc} are well meaning when they say these things, but my exhausted and frustrated brain can't help but want to react to them sarcastically {because sarcasm is the only way I'm dealing with this continuous waiting}. I'm nice as pie on the outside, but this is what I'm really thinking on the inside and why you should never say these things to an overdue woman. No offence.

Have you had the baby yet?

Yep, I just thought I'd tell everyone individually when they contacted me instead of announcing it to the world, I figured it'd be more personal that way. Ironically the more times people ask me this the more I'm leading towards deliberately not announcing the birth for a few days.

I have a good feeling tonight will be the night.

God I hope so, I've had that feeling for about two weeks now and haven't been right so far. Hopefully you're a better psychic than me.

You just need to relax, it'll happen when the time is right.

Umm this is my most hated saying in the entire world because I heard it nearly every day while we were trying to conceive. Newsflash it's hard to relax when you can hardly move, have heartburn/reflux after every meal or drink, can't sleep due to pain, have to pee every second, feel like your belly is going to rip in half and are fielding 4000 messages a day asking whether the baby has arrived. Believe me I've tried. If anyone wants to volunteer to come give me a massage, paint my nails, take me out to lunch etc though I wouldn't be opposed to that.

Babies come when they're ready.

Yeah I'm well aware she's going to control me, not the other way around, I already have a child.

You should have sex/eat curry/go for a walk/bounce on a ball etc

Wait, hang on a minute I thought all I had to do was relax?
Your advice is so contradictory I can't keep up.

Can you hurry up and have your baby?

Yeah sure I was totally holding out on purpose. Sorry about that.

Let me know the minute your contractions start.

Sure, I'll have time to personally message everyone while I'm in immense pain, hoping this time its real, and hoping I make it to the hospital in time and don't birth on the side of the road. Don't worry, you'll be my first priority once the contractions start {again, for the seventh time already this pregnancy}.

So when is your actual due date?

About 500 years ago.

Wow I swear you've been pregnant forever!

Thanks for reminding me. I totally forgot.

......

In all honesty though I get that people are just excitedly waiting for the baby to arrive and don't want to miss out on the news when it happens. Rest assured I'll let you all know once she FINALLY decides to make her appearance. Hell at this point I'll probably be shouting it from the rooftops the minute she comes out because I'll be so freaking excited that the waiting is finally over. Until then I promise to keep my sarcastic replies to everyone's comments confined to the inside of my brain and not actually snap at anyone {hopefully}.

Did you go overdue in your pregnancy?

Toni x