When your child breaks you.

We all have those moments when we reach the end of our tether and just want to lose our shit or crumble into a useless mess on the floor, right? I know I do. Parenting small humans is such a hard and relentless job. And tiring, oh my god its so tiring. There are bound to be periods of time where we feel like we just can't cope with it all.

Yesterday I had one of those moments.

After a week of up and down night sleeping plus unpredictable day naps {i.e. will she have one or won't she}, I've been exhausted. But I went off to mothers group regardless because I still needed my adult time {with real people outside of facebook} and to ply myself with copious cups of tea {mothers group is always good for that} plus I knew she needed to socialise with the other kids too. We definitely aren't home bodies, it drives us batty being stuck in the same four walls for too long, so we go out more often then not even when we're a little bit exhausted.

Inevitably though there comes a time of the day where all the kids get tired and are losing their shit and start to get frustrated with each other's company. Their play deteriorates into play fighting and we become referees instead of relaxed mums watching our cute kids play together. Coincidentally yesterday this point in time coincided with me having a raging headache, so that didn't help. Funny how kids can always pick the moments where you're at your weakest to cause the most havoc. They're smart like that.

So at this point in time we decided to call it quits and leave. Cue mass exodus of mothers group. If you have kids though you'll know leaving somewhere is not a quick exercise, it takes time. Time to pack stuff away, time to bribe convince them to stop playing with the toy they've recently taken ownership of that isn't actually their's and then more time to get them out the door and into the actual car. This time is often filled with crying, yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing things, and any other way they can exert their displeasure at the situation. It's so much fun.

One of the other mums was doing much better than I was and managed to leave without much fuss while I had a screaming banshee follow me into the toilet. When I finally managed to remove her from the toilet {after yet another tantrum because I stopped her trying to pull off all the toilet paper and shove it in the toilet} I was greeted with an empty peaceful {apart from my still screaming child} room while they were outside. As much as I wanted to hurriedly pack said screaming child and all our things into the car and disappear, I decided to take a moment and sit on the couch and re-group.

And then I lost my shit and cried like a baby right along with her.

I'm usually ok with handling her tantrums. I can usually keep my cool. But given how exhausted I was + my pounding headache + her relentless screaming and kicking I reached my limit and lost it. I just sat there on the couch and cried right along with her. In fact I think I had a lot more actual tears than she did. She broke me and I had nothing more to give.

A few minutes later Lyndi {who's house we were at} came back in and saw pathetic me on the couch in a blubbering mess us having our moment on the couch and went and got a toy to distract bub to stop her crying, and then set up a dvd for her to watch for a bit to calm down. Isn't it amazing how kids will respond to someone else, but will ignore everything you say to them. Anyway that's not the point, the point is she saw I wasn't coping and she immediately offered to help. And on top of that she then told me I was doing a good job.

Those are the best words someone can tell you when you're losing your shit and feeling like a really inadequate parent. You're doing a good job.

Those words made me feel so much better. They justified my feelings and reminded me that I have got this and I can do this. No matter how shit I felt in that moment I knew I was doing the best I could and it was so nice to have someone else essentially tell me you are a good parent. We all have good days and bad. We all have those moments when our child breaks us. But its ok. You're still doing a good job.

Of course today bub is back to being her adorable sweet self, and she's having a nap {hallelujah}. Like adults, kids are going to have their days where they're feeling off and they're going to make their feelings known. And often they will do it relentlessly. They're going to push your buttons, and some days they might break you down to the point where you can't do it any more, but its only temporary. It will get better and you will get through it, even if you need to have a good cry. I want you all to know that you're doing a good job.

Have you had a day where your kid/s got the better of you?

Toni x